First thing he heard was the screech as the old gate slowly crawled back from whence it had come so many times before. First thing he smelled was the exhaust fumes from the old diesel truck as it rattled its way through the opening left by the gate. It was new prisoner day, and for the guys who were residents there it was always interesting to assess the new people coming in. Frank was a resident technically, but he got to go home at night because he was a guard. And the tow prison was the place of his employ. His dad was a cop, his mom a nurse, so he tried to find something similar to what they had tried to do- which was help people. When you got to know Frank, You realized he wasn’t like the other guards. If they saw his kindness, they’d exploit it. He knew that from his first days on the job. So now he kept a solemn expression. He had energy you could see in his eyes but he tried to stay deadpan. It was a solemn place after all. As the old stinky bus belched and jerked to a halt, the new fish began to file out. 20 in all, it was #17 I the line that interested Frank. #17 looked to be about 60, but the paperwork said 40 had just happened the month previous. Other than his prematurely fatigued face and sagging shoulders, it was the mans cool gray eyes that stole the attention of Frank. They were the same color to the overcast skies they often experienced in Michigan. They seemed to look through whatever they saw. Frank’s impression was the man had been through a lot and perhaps more often than some others. To avoid staring at this strange #17 guy Frank gave all the new men the rules speech. Behave, earn privileges, or suffer consequences. Perhaps he liked his job because it matched his life philosophy. Very similar to how karma worked! Speech concluded they acquainted the men with their cells. This batch of men were lucky because there were windows adjacent to their cells that brought in the gray, overcast light. No details could be noticed, but the light from outside was rare and the longer they stayed the more they’d realize their fortune. D block was Frank’s responsibility, and he took his job seriously with a quiet intensity learned from his piers. One day, as Frank was making his rounds, he heard #17 quietly weeping in his cell. He stopped and watched for a minute, then said-“everything all right over here?” The man stopped crying, turned to look at Frank and said “it’s never been right.” Makes perfect sense I’d end up in here. It’s like the world is against me- you know? He did know. Frank had gone through the blame others game for many years before realizing how petty and ultimately wrong he was. But as unconscious as #17 was, Frank didn’t know how he could reach this guy without showing he wore his heart on his sleeve…
5 years later…
#17, now a regular, still a regular complainer about many different things. Mostly his past transgressions and how most of the time it was “shitty luck” or the man conspiring etc. etc.
Frank had grown to appreciate Oscar’s (#17) intensity when he got worked up about something. Kind of like the Labrador who goes crazy when you come home from work. Oscar had accidentally killed his wife when driving her home drunk when the car had crashed. Frank could tell it weighed heavily on him. As a reward to Oscar for helping Frank understand the Fibonacci sequence, Frank gave Oscar a small prism. Small enough to fit in the palm of his hand. When it hit Oscar he was receiving a gift his eyes started to water, and his lips started trembling. Oscar, who wasn’t shown enough love as a boy- had a hard time reconciling kindness in other people. It seemed to him like a vulnerability as well as a waste of time. But the prism somehow changed his perspective on that. Oscar enjoyed combining what he could see in the little pocket mirror with the prism. It painted the gray, lifeless cell with what looked like water colors. An endless spectrum of beauty available to him at a whim! It’s rare to get gifts in prison. Rarer still to get one that had such an impact on how Oscar saw things. Frank started to notice Oscar complaining less and less. More quiet, contemplative gazes Frank noticed Oscar having.
One day, Frank said “where’s your mind today Oscar”? Oscar took a deep breath and said “I’ve been thinking about how wrong I was. For so long I pointed the finger at other people. Ignoring the three tucked into my own hand. Quick to criticize anyone before even considering my role in a situation. Well, now I have time to consider my own flaws instead of just other peoples. I have the time to think about how much time I wasted on worrying about other people’s crap instead of my own! Ha! What a lesson,”he said slowly shaking his head. “Oh well”, showing a warm grin to Frank. It took me this long to realize what an ugly person I’ve been to so many people for so long, including myself. No more Frank! Oscar is no longer Oscar the grouch! From now on just Oscar. I don’t want to bite off more than I can chew.
This was a pivotal point for Oscar, and also Frank. Oscar began reading voraciously. He started asking lots of questions about many different subjects. It was as if he had blame chains on that restricted his thoughts and therefore chances at happiness. Once he stopped blaming, and he stopped trying to judge or control, the chains fell away. So even though he had twenty years to go, he was out of the prison in his mind.
Frank was amazed at Oscar’s metamorphosis. It made him realize the impact a simple act of kindness could have. He started thinking about other people in his life who were in similar mental prisons. That led him to considering if he were in one of his own also? Easier to see it in others than himself. He thought perhaps he had pad locks but no keys for them. Perhaps someone else would unlock him like he did for Oscar.
Awethentic 